


in my head. | remus lupin

by prfctethereal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, i barely have a recollection of writing this tbh, i can’t remember what’s in this, mention of injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28954389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prfctethereal/pseuds/prfctethereal
Summary: [Y/N] thinks of Remus as perfect and it’s fluffy and stuff (i can’t really remember)
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Reader
Kudos: 11





	in my head. | remus lupin

Love was a funny thing. When you’re in love with someone, you tend to focus on the good of the person, and completely ignore all of their flaws. Whether you convince yourself that you’re different and you don’t do that, it will be true for everyone. Everything about the person you love is distorted through rose coloured glasses.

I always thought of Remus Lupin as a perfect angel. From the first time our eyes met on the train in first year, I knew I would grow to care for him deeply. Even later on, when we became the closest of friends, as well as with James, Sirius, and Peter, I knew I would care for him forever.

It was me who first noticed something strange with Remus the first year, only raising slight concerns when he would disappear for a few days and come back, cuts on his face and arms littered with bruises. Pointing this out to him only made him shy away, so I took my concerns and thoughts over to the other boys.

Second year was when we finally confronted Remus about what was going on. Ashamed of himself, he explained of his lycanthropy, expecting us to leave him, but of course, we did not. By now, my heart had begun to flutter whenever I caught Remus’ gaze from across the classroom or whenever our hands grazed each other’s when passing books between us. I knew I liked Remus in a different way to the other boys.

We never left Remus’ side when we found out he was a werewolf. He expected us to think of him as a monster, but I only saw another thing to hush about him in private. His bravery, his courage. his persistence. He seemed perfect to me, not bothering to suspect that maybe lycanthropy was a flaw. 

Perfection. As we grew older, I only saw Remus as perfect. Perfect cedar hair that swept to the side, fluffing at the top of his head. Warm, inviting eyes that perfectly swirled with wonder and mystery. Scars across his face, seemingly endearing. It came natural to me in third year when I realised that I had a crush on the wolf boy, confusing me as to why I hadn’t realised earlier.

In fourth year, my love for Remus only grew stronger and in fifth year, the other marauders and I made a pact to become animagi to help Remus during his full moons, much to his disputes.

When it was time to show Remus our animagus forms, we ushered him into the Room of Requirement one quiet night, a few days before the full moon. It was a risky idea as Remus often became more and more anxious as the full moon came closer but we thought the revelation would calm him down.

“I don’t understand what we’re doing here.” Remus muttered, playing with the fingers in his hands anxiously. I stood by his side, wrapping my arm around him comfortingly, as Sirius started explaining what was going on.

“I know that you always feel alone and scared during the full moons so we wanted to find a way to help you.” Sirius said, gesturing to the group around us. When Remus looked my way, I gave him a small smile, feeling a blush rise on my cheeks, as Sirius continued. “So, we made it our mission to become animagi.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Remus looked absolutely terrified, getting all flustered as he pulled away from us, backing away against a wall. “That’s dangerous, that’s illegal. I can’t have you guys in trouble because of me.”

“It’s okay Remus.” James said, trying to calm down the anxious werewolf, turning into a majestic stag to show him.

“We’re going to be with you on your full moons and help you.” Peter added, before changing into a small rat, squirming around to Remus’ feet.

“It’s been researched that werewolves won’t try to attack animals as much as people.” Sirius offered, turning himself into a dog, whimpering as he brushed up against the stag next to him.

Remus strolled over to me, concern welling up in his pleading eyes. “Not you too, please don’t say you’re an animagus too.”

Slightly offended, I turned myself into a delicate hummingbird and gently rested on Remus’ shoulder. He looked almost like he was about to cry. In a hushed voice, he whispered so only I could hear: “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Right then, James turned back into his person form and said, “please just let us help you. Let us be there for you, as your friend.”

“Plus,” I mentioned, becoming a person again too, “I’m working towards becoming a healer, so I can help patch you up as well afterwards.” I sent Remus a small smile.

So, it was decided. Each full moon after that, we went with Remus through his transformation, and every full moon, I fell deeper and deeper in love with him.

It was probably all the time we spent together after the full moon, only the two of us left in the shrieking shack, when the rest of the boys went to fetch Madame Pomfrey. The quiet chats we would share for the twenty minutes we had to ourselves, talking about nothing and everything, as the near exhausted Remus laid half awake, muttering a string of thank you’s under his breath.

One particular night, Remus didn't have that bad of a transformation, leaving him less bruised and battered than usual, only a few cuts across his torso and face. Insisting he didn’t need Madame Pomfrey, he trusted me in fixing him up all by myself.

“Thank you.” Remus breathed out after a few minutes of silence since the boys had left. I blushed, nothing unusual, hiding my scarlet didn’t cheeks with a dirty rag I had wiped the dirt off of him with. 

“What do I always say, Rem?” I asked, carefully stroking the damp cloth across his chest, cleaning up the dried blood. “You don’t have to thank me for helping you.”

“But I want to.” Remus started, taking my hand in his, raising it up close to his face to gently kiss my knuckles. “You don’t have to be here right now. You shouldn’t have to be here right now. You look too tired to be looking after me all the time. Go to bed.”

“No. I’m here for you, because I love you and you’re my friend.” It just slipped past my lips, those three words. On the outside, it looked like just another thing I said, going back to working at the cuts across his chest. Inside, my heart was working overtime, beating faster than usual. I couldn’t believe I had just said that.

Eyes flickering upwards towards Remus, I took in the fact that he had dozed off, probably not even hearing the confession that had fallen without me trying, and I was okay with that. He looked perfect, quietly sleeping there, eyes shut, so I worked silently, patching up his cuts, placing a single kiss on his hairline as he slept.

***

The next day tradition was always visiting Remus in the hospital wing as Madame Pomfrey always insists he stays there for an extra day. After classes, the rest of the marauders and I piled into the wing to tell Remus about their days.

Today, I stayed quiet, still shocked about what I had confessed the night earlier. As the boys kept Remus occupied, I anxiously waited for when he would eventually ask to talk to me.

As the boys dispersed from the hospital wing, I felt a shaking hand grab mine, pulling me to stay. My heart was thumping out of my chest but I stayed put, sitting on the edge of Remus’ bed, looking into his perfect eyes.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.” Remus muttered, playing with my own fingers mindlessly. “Is something on your mind?”

I needed to tell him. It was the perfect time to tell him about how I felt but I couldn’t find the right words to say. Everything felt like a jumble in my head. Nothing was coming out of my throat and my brain was blank.

“I’ll tell you what,” Remus said, squeezing my hand reassuringly, “once I get out of here, we can go raid the kitchens together, like we used to, you know? And after that, we can go sit by the black lake and read one of your muggle books you always read.”

“You’re perfect, you know that, right?” I whispered under my breath, getting a soft chuckle out of Remus.

“I’m far from perfect, sweetheart.”

But I didn’t believe him. He always proved himself wrong in different aspects. Holding up to his promises, he came with me to the kitchens, telling the elves to fetch an abundance of chocolate, a love we shared between us. 

Walking down to the black lake together, it was solemn but peaceful. Sounds of animals chirping and leaves rustling filled the air, a light breeze brushing past us as we walked down the path. Once we got to our favourite spot, we sat down, with Remus pulling out an old copy of Alice in Wonderland to read.

As he read aloud, I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. All I knew was that it was finally time to tell him how I felt about him. It was time to tell him that I was in love with him.

“I need to tell you something.” I abruptly said, interrupting Remus’ reading of the book. He looked up at me, humming, egging me to go on.

“You’re perfect.” I reinstated, much like I said before in the hospital wing, but instead of getting a glimpse of laughter like before, I was met by Remus’ confused eyes.

“Remus,” I sucked in a breath of air, “I’m in love with you.”

Silence. A pause. At that moment, I knew I had blown it. He stared at me, not saying a word, until he murdered something, so quietly I almost didn’t hear.

“No, here’s the thing: you’re in love with a person you’ve created in your head, that you are trying to, but cannot fix. The only thing you can fix is yourself.”

My heart stopped. 

“You don’t want to love me, [Y/N], I’m a monster.”

Acting on instinct, I cupped his cheek with my hand, placing a soft kiss on his temple, that was immediately washed away by a tear that had rolled down my own cheek.

“You’re not a monster.” My voice was shaky. “And I do love you. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

And he held me closer, placing a kiss on my lips. Out of shock, I didn’t know what to do, but then, I kissed back, pulling my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. When we pulled away, I stared into his perfect eyes.

Perfect.

“I love you too, [Y/N].

**Author's Note:**

> i can’t remember what this is about but i wrote it omg i’m so tired help me


End file.
